Thursday, 22 May 2008
当习惯变成了理所当然
Watched the 9pm show yesterday, was really quite touched towards the ending…sometimes one became so used to another person such that the person has already become indispensable to one…but sadly, one normally take e person for granted until e person is no longer there…what is left behind is only the memories and regrets…
a few days back, a good friend wanted to ask me about grandpa, however he did not manage to complete his question as our food was here le…not too sure what he wanted to ask, anyway I constantly blogged about grandpa was he unknowingly became part of my life…whenever I visit grandma, it reminds me of him…although it was years back when he left us, still e pain is there…I guess I regretted not treasuring the times we had…I took for granted that he would be always there…I was taken care by my maternal grandparents when I was small, they always doted on me and that’s why deep down it was hard for me to accept that he was no longer there…I always console myself that although he was no longer physically there, mentally he is always somewhere up there looking down at us…
like e show, when I knew grandpa had passed on, the first thing in my mind was when did I last talked to him…I did not pray for his recovery when he was struggling and fighting in the ICU…because I overheard from my aunts’ conversation that grandpa had gotten a stroke and this will definitely be a big blow to him given that he was one that is v active…so I pray and said to myself “Gong, you decide if which route is better for you…no matter what is e ultimate decision, I will respect it”…I really cannot bear to see him in tubes…is he willing to live e rest of his life like that? I dunno, I just want the best for him…I promised that no matter what I will take good care of grandma….
but I think it is easier say than done…for 2 years after he left, if I have e time after sch, I will make a trip to visit grandma, buy food for her and accompany her so that she would not think negatively and feel lonely….I thought 2 years was a suffice time for her to recover…but I guess I underestimate e power of loneliness…I thought she would be independent enough after 2 years, so I slowly let go…I guess she was pining for grandpa’s too much, way too much than I was…her memory seems to have been frozen to the years back when grandpa was still around…e only consolation I have is that at least she is happy now, she no longer crys anymore…
it was a hard journey, really….losing someone that is indispensable in your life is depressing…some of my friends asked me when am I getting married, but seriously I dun want to get married…rather than say I dun believe in marriage, I guess it is more to e fear…I dun wan another person to become indispensable in my life and in e end to lose it, just like how grandpa left my life w/o our choice…this is perhaps e reason why I am one of those rare gals who do not want to meet up with her bf that often…only then will both parties cherish e time spent together and not took each other for granted…
a few days back, a good friend wanted to ask me about grandpa, however he did not manage to complete his question as our food was here le…not too sure what he wanted to ask, anyway I constantly blogged about grandpa was he unknowingly became part of my life…whenever I visit grandma, it reminds me of him…although it was years back when he left us, still e pain is there…I guess I regretted not treasuring the times we had…I took for granted that he would be always there…I was taken care by my maternal grandparents when I was small, they always doted on me and that’s why deep down it was hard for me to accept that he was no longer there…I always console myself that although he was no longer physically there, mentally he is always somewhere up there looking down at us…
like e show, when I knew grandpa had passed on, the first thing in my mind was when did I last talked to him…I did not pray for his recovery when he was struggling and fighting in the ICU…because I overheard from my aunts’ conversation that grandpa had gotten a stroke and this will definitely be a big blow to him given that he was one that is v active…so I pray and said to myself “Gong, you decide if which route is better for you…no matter what is e ultimate decision, I will respect it”…I really cannot bear to see him in tubes…is he willing to live e rest of his life like that? I dunno, I just want the best for him…I promised that no matter what I will take good care of grandma….
but I think it is easier say than done…for 2 years after he left, if I have e time after sch, I will make a trip to visit grandma, buy food for her and accompany her so that she would not think negatively and feel lonely….I thought 2 years was a suffice time for her to recover…but I guess I underestimate e power of loneliness…I thought she would be independent enough after 2 years, so I slowly let go…I guess she was pining for grandpa’s too much, way too much than I was…her memory seems to have been frozen to the years back when grandpa was still around…e only consolation I have is that at least she is happy now, she no longer crys anymore…
it was a hard journey, really….losing someone that is indispensable in your life is depressing…some of my friends asked me when am I getting married, but seriously I dun want to get married…rather than say I dun believe in marriage, I guess it is more to e fear…I dun wan another person to become indispensable in my life and in e end to lose it, just like how grandpa left my life w/o our choice…this is perhaps e reason why I am one of those rare gals who do not want to meet up with her bf that often…only then will both parties cherish e time spent together and not took each other for granted…
i look upon the moon and stars at Thursday, May 22, 2008
0 stars were shining bright even without the moon
0 stars were shining bright even without the moon