Wednesday, 30 July 2008
Heated discussion
Actually wanted to have a normal frank conversation with my bro, but somehow it ended up to be a bit of a heated discussion...well, i was telling him dat i wasn't really upset by the fact dat aunt called multiple times yest but rather to be truth was juz a little annoyed and pissed over his nonchalence attitude...maybe i shld hv improved on e way i said it as he took it a bit too overly...yes, i agree dat it is good to be frank esp w gd old frenz and family...however, frank is one thing, tactless is another thing...it is juz a fine line between the two but yet a totally world of difference...
honestly, i felt dat e way he rejected me yest was tactless...i appreciate for his straightforwardness but would appreciate even more if it was doused with a teeny wee of tact...i understand dat he might not be available dat day and may not be able to help as interviews' timings as he says may not be up to him to say...somehow the way he said is as though subtly telling me dat he is trying to say "Dun bother me...this is not stuff dat we younger generation should bother w...it should be things dat mum and dad should fret over"...isnt it better to phrase it like this "i am not too sure if i would be free dat day as i might be called up for interview...but i shld be able to help after my interview or wat...cant really confirm right now" rather than "i can't coz im might not be free...u know interviews dun wait for u...if someone calls me to go for an interview, i will obviously go for it...cant possibly ask pple to wait for u right?it would be ridiculous to do so..."
the two way of saying meant e same thing but would be taken quite differently, at least to me...e 2rd way of saying is more of trying to tell me not to bother u w such stuffs and now comes to e qns of why im pissed...yes, i agree dat we shld give each other support as a family, not debating about dat...and it is precisely coz i share this same belief dat im pissed as u did mentioned abt "this r things dat our generation shld not bother w" and i took your statement as "Dun bother me w such stuffs"...i feel dat as a family we shldnt ji jiao whether this kind of things is wat we shld handle or not but rather we shld see where we can help, even in e most trivial way...it is e way of support you r telling me, isnt it? i would help or offer to look after grandma not coz im too free or busybody, more of it is coz 1) gratitude; she and grandpa looked after me when i was young, i know u r looked after by paternal grandparents, 2)i dun wan mum to be too tired out...she has to wrk and i tink it would be nice for someone to share this responsibility w her...besides, it is not dat we cant help in any way
im blogging this coz i know u will read my blog at times and i hope this will seriously better clarify wat im trying to say juz now...im nt trying to say dat we shld practise to be more politically correct by being more discrete or wat but rather i feel dat no matter who r we conversing w, exercising tactful-ness is impt...and it is coz u r my kor dat is why i would tell u...if ur juz a normal frenz or wat, i wouldn't even bother to tell u...also, i gt my personal agenda, which is dat i dun wan u to keep saying dat "so now they wun call to bother u already, i alr told mum abt it" when in e first place i wasnt really bothered over it...well, i guess it is partly my fault dat i din clear up this misunderstanding yest too but i hv my reasons...i din voice out despite knowing dat u hv misunderstood me coz i know i will not be tactful too when i am feeling a bit annoyed and pissed...to me, choosing e wrong timing to clear up a misunderstanding will not help in any way to make better e situation
next abt didi, i do appreciate and count my blessings dat u always volunteer to help him and even me to buy dinners/lunchs etc...u sd it is a way of showing support...i dun rebute this as diff pple hv diff ways of showing support to each other...but why did i say dat u shld let didi b more independent at times?...it is coz u mentioned dat u will intentionally come home earlier to buy dinner for didi, which i tink is of no necess...if u got sthing on, i tink it is prefectly fine to ask didi to buy himself since he can juz shun bian buy his dinner on his way hm frm sch...
yes, i know JC life is tiring...i hv been through dat myself too...but i dun tink u nid to intentionally come hm earlier juz to buy dinner for him, he can either cook or buy takeaways for his dinner...do u really think it is of necess?...in my opinion, i think he is old enough to be independent to buy his own dinner when e situation requires...he is a young adult le and this are things he can do easily...u asked other dat this kind of things, wat other support can we give him? 1) academic guidance (im nt referring to tuition) when within our means, in areas where he read up for times and yet he still do nt get wat is it trying to say, 2)in relationship matters, if he will to hv gf and hv problems and need some advice or someone to talk to...i will always be there for him, 3)in social problems such as e power struggle and unhappiness he faced w his sch mates etc etc...by advising him on how things can be done/ dealt with better, proof reading his emails ( if u read through his email e other time, u will noticed dat how tactless he is w his phrasing of wrds which doesnt help at all to improve his r/s with his sch mates) etc etc
this r some of e support we can give him and im sure it will be extremely helpful to his growth and development given dat he is new in doing proj and better interacting w people...doing proj wrk w grp mates is nv an easy task but we hv been through it, me in my proj wrk in smu and u, in your leading your CCA members, prefectorial board etc + we both hv a few wrking experience which in-evitably involves working w pple...we can share our insights and advice simply becoz we hv much more experiences in those areas than he is
his tuition wise, why i disapprove? becoz i feel dat we cannot teach one to think, wat we can do is to encourage him to think...to know how to think and learn on his own has to be cultivated, for his good ( be it in uni or in future when he step out of e wrking society)...plainly relying on tuition doesnt help him to develop his thinking ability or rather more commonly known as one's cognitive ability...yes ultimately he might get better grades but such grades can be gotten through his self learning too...to be frank, my frenz is not using e same way he taught didi during sec sch...he is also encouraging him to be more of a self learner and ask only when he really dunno so dat he will practise thinking on his own
as for zhong han, not dat i din wan him to teach him algebra yet like how i grilled didi last time for his PSLE...is coz, i only will hv 2months w him...it is more like a crash course kind of thing and 2mths is hard to change his rigid way of solving those maths problems...dat's y i used e method his teacher taught him...if i can, i wld use algebra as i tink it is simpler, shorter and i am more familar w using dat method...
all in all, i meant no offense in the discussion juz now and hope dat u had better understand e discussion juz now after reading through this long entry=)
honestly, i felt dat e way he rejected me yest was tactless...i appreciate for his straightforwardness but would appreciate even more if it was doused with a teeny wee of tact...i understand dat he might not be available dat day and may not be able to help as interviews' timings as he says may not be up to him to say...somehow the way he said is as though subtly telling me dat he is trying to say "Dun bother me...this is not stuff dat we younger generation should bother w...it should be things dat mum and dad should fret over"...isnt it better to phrase it like this "i am not too sure if i would be free dat day as i might be called up for interview...but i shld be able to help after my interview or wat...cant really confirm right now" rather than "i can't coz im might not be free...u know interviews dun wait for u...if someone calls me to go for an interview, i will obviously go for it...cant possibly ask pple to wait for u right?it would be ridiculous to do so..."
the two way of saying meant e same thing but would be taken quite differently, at least to me...e 2rd way of saying is more of trying to tell me not to bother u w such stuffs and now comes to e qns of why im pissed...yes, i agree dat we shld give each other support as a family, not debating about dat...and it is precisely coz i share this same belief dat im pissed as u did mentioned abt "this r things dat our generation shld not bother w" and i took your statement as "Dun bother me w such stuffs"...i feel dat as a family we shldnt ji jiao whether this kind of things is wat we shld handle or not but rather we shld see where we can help, even in e most trivial way...it is e way of support you r telling me, isnt it? i would help or offer to look after grandma not coz im too free or busybody, more of it is coz 1) gratitude; she and grandpa looked after me when i was young, i know u r looked after by paternal grandparents, 2)i dun wan mum to be too tired out...she has to wrk and i tink it would be nice for someone to share this responsibility w her...besides, it is not dat we cant help in any way
im blogging this coz i know u will read my blog at times and i hope this will seriously better clarify wat im trying to say juz now...im nt trying to say dat we shld practise to be more politically correct by being more discrete or wat but rather i feel dat no matter who r we conversing w, exercising tactful-ness is impt...and it is coz u r my kor dat is why i would tell u...if ur juz a normal frenz or wat, i wouldn't even bother to tell u...also, i gt my personal agenda, which is dat i dun wan u to keep saying dat "so now they wun call to bother u already, i alr told mum abt it" when in e first place i wasnt really bothered over it...well, i guess it is partly my fault dat i din clear up this misunderstanding yest too but i hv my reasons...i din voice out despite knowing dat u hv misunderstood me coz i know i will not be tactful too when i am feeling a bit annoyed and pissed...to me, choosing e wrong timing to clear up a misunderstanding will not help in any way to make better e situation
next abt didi, i do appreciate and count my blessings dat u always volunteer to help him and even me to buy dinners/lunchs etc...u sd it is a way of showing support...i dun rebute this as diff pple hv diff ways of showing support to each other...but why did i say dat u shld let didi b more independent at times?...it is coz u mentioned dat u will intentionally come home earlier to buy dinner for didi, which i tink is of no necess...if u got sthing on, i tink it is prefectly fine to ask didi to buy himself since he can juz shun bian buy his dinner on his way hm frm sch...
yes, i know JC life is tiring...i hv been through dat myself too...but i dun tink u nid to intentionally come hm earlier juz to buy dinner for him, he can either cook or buy takeaways for his dinner...do u really think it is of necess?...in my opinion, i think he is old enough to be independent to buy his own dinner when e situation requires...he is a young adult le and this are things he can do easily...u asked other dat this kind of things, wat other support can we give him? 1) academic guidance (im nt referring to tuition) when within our means, in areas where he read up for times and yet he still do nt get wat is it trying to say, 2)in relationship matters, if he will to hv gf and hv problems and need some advice or someone to talk to...i will always be there for him, 3)in social problems such as e power struggle and unhappiness he faced w his sch mates etc etc...by advising him on how things can be done/ dealt with better, proof reading his emails ( if u read through his email e other time, u will noticed dat how tactless he is w his phrasing of wrds which doesnt help at all to improve his r/s with his sch mates) etc etc
this r some of e support we can give him and im sure it will be extremely helpful to his growth and development given dat he is new in doing proj and better interacting w people...doing proj wrk w grp mates is nv an easy task but we hv been through it, me in my proj wrk in smu and u, in your leading your CCA members, prefectorial board etc + we both hv a few wrking experience which in-evitably involves working w pple...we can share our insights and advice simply becoz we hv much more experiences in those areas than he is
his tuition wise, why i disapprove? becoz i feel dat we cannot teach one to think, wat we can do is to encourage him to think...to know how to think and learn on his own has to be cultivated, for his good ( be it in uni or in future when he step out of e wrking society)...plainly relying on tuition doesnt help him to develop his thinking ability or rather more commonly known as one's cognitive ability...yes ultimately he might get better grades but such grades can be gotten through his self learning too...to be frank, my frenz is not using e same way he taught didi during sec sch...he is also encouraging him to be more of a self learner and ask only when he really dunno so dat he will practise thinking on his own
as for zhong han, not dat i din wan him to teach him algebra yet like how i grilled didi last time for his PSLE...is coz, i only will hv 2months w him...it is more like a crash course kind of thing and 2mths is hard to change his rigid way of solving those maths problems...dat's y i used e method his teacher taught him...if i can, i wld use algebra as i tink it is simpler, shorter and i am more familar w using dat method...
all in all, i meant no offense in the discussion juz now and hope dat u had better understand e discussion juz now after reading through this long entry=)
i look upon the moon and stars at Wednesday, July 30, 2008
0 stars were shining bright even without the moon
0 stars were shining bright even without the moon